Auditions - My Weird

Sunday, September 19, found me on the way to auditions for White Christmas, my first audition since Hubby’s little problem. Now, let me make this statement - I love to audition, really-really, so I always totally look forward to getting dressed, showing up, filling out the cards, getting your pic taken (well, okay, I don’t really like that part - I always look like a dork in the pics!) talking with everyone, dancing, singing, reading ... well you get what I’m saying AND I love the show White Christmas.

Sooooooo, my weird? It was almost like I was sent someone else to auditions - getting dressed, I got nervous - not excited; driving to the theatre I didn’t break out in song, I thought to myself “why are you doing this”; filling out the cards and standing in line, I know I chattered probably waaaayyyy too much (well, okay - I always do that!) but I actually found the palms of my hands sweating a bit.

Settling into the auditions I danced fine - or I think I did, I could be very wrong in this perception! Then came along singing auditions and I decided to sing in the alto section for a change (usually sing 1st or 2nd soprano) -- first mistake, out of the ordinary for an audition, we wound up singing in pairs ... the soprano and alto parts together ... which I blew, because in a few minutes of going over the song, I found it difficult to change a “lifetime” of singing the song’s soprano part :-) and the alto part wasn’t really that difficult “arrrrrgggg” and “oh well” STRIKE ONE? (I now even wonder if I sang out with any kind of confidence, I really just don’t remember.) Then came the read -- well, that too was interesting and I tanked it big time STRIKE TWO?

My question is/was where the HECTOR did the nerves come from? That is just ridiculous, nervous is not my style - all I can think of while sitting here writing this is I’m still not all that secure about leaving the house in the evenings for rehearsals and leaving Hubby there - alone, even though he is now coming along nicely from his little problem, or is it that I now simply feel like I’m a million years old -- probably where the “why are you doing this” question came from.

So did my subconscious try to sabotage my very own self? Did I do as crappy a job as I thought I did? Will I get back my “joy,” “happy” and “more youthful than I really am” feelings - that just seemed to be missing in this audition (or so I think it was, maybe I “acted” my way through the audition?) Will I be “back to normal” for the next auditions - I surely hope so ... this one was simply just too weird for words -- well, obviously not since I’m blogging about it!

****** Was holding off on posting this until cast list was posted ****** it has been AND I MADE IT (wooohooo) in spite of all my weirdness!

I can say that I really cannot wait for the first rehearsal -- let the joy begin and may we all have a WHITE CHRISTMAS!!!